For example, being outspoken is a great quality, but there are also times to hold back from giving your point of view so that others speak first. What has their energy been like toward you as a whole? Think about what these rejections mean to you. He asked this man how he accrued this wealth, how he was able to become a millionaire. Your friend may be happy for you but is in such a low state they just can't express it. Of course, if a good thing is happening to someone you love, itll be hurtfuleven devastatingto them if they try to share their joy with you only to get a lukewarm or negative reaction. This emotional pain registers in our brain the same way as physical pain. A lot of people get down in the dumps after scrolling through social media, looking at the seemingly perfect lives that others are living. Why Can't I Feel Happy About My Friend's Success? - Vice Gently remind yourself that the success of your friends can also push you to feel positive emotions and motivate you to: When you feel ready, have an honest conversation with your friend(s) and acknowledge your feelings. For example, when I told her Id published an article in a prestigious magazine, she remembered all the times shed given me feedback on my work or helped me choose topics. From my personal experience, one of the best ways to move past old hurts and to be able to feel joy for others is to talk about those wounds with trusted friends or a competent therapist. Living paycheck to paycheck was a luxury for this man, and he decided that he was tired of being trapped by his own life. So think about what your goals are, and take a look around you. Because, as humans, we crave social belongingness. A while ago we were out to dinner, and he kept making very snarky comments about my new phone (which I brought as my job requires it), and my manicure (which my mum paid for as a congrats for getting the job). Resenting envy refers to the tendency to believe that others shouldnt have something just because we dont have it. Step 1: Understand envy. I like to make a distinction between healthy envy which I call applauding envy and unhealthy envy, or resenting envy.. But there are ways to process and deal with these emotions. Envy can be accompanied with embarrassment, disappointment, sadness, anger, or regret so be as specific as possible. So maybe youve found out that this ex of yours is getting married to the love of their life. Or perhaps theyre expecting a child. Dont be surprised if these feelings rise up again every now and then. Signs Your Friend Is Trying To Undermine Your Success Handle Your Family's Resistance To Your Growing Success That doesnt make us bad friends, partners, or siblings; it makes us human. Stepping outside of yourself makes it easier to not compare your story to someone elses. Hemingway is a testament to the fact that innate talent alone does not equal success. We may start to believe that for us to be successful, someone else has to fail. WebYou will notice that the people that are truly happy for you arent necessarily your closest allies. Have they been dealing with depression? A perfect example of this is body neutrality, which is (in my opinion), far healthier than the body positivity movement. When your underlying feeling is addressed, such as I feel jealous when___, you can move with the emotion and begin the healing process. Id encourage anyone who is currently thinking about staging a financial intervention of some kind on a friend to read the full post (linked above), and to remember that at the end of the day, what we need most from the people we love is someone whoactuallycares and wants to be there to help throughout the whole process. When Im feeling out of sorts, or the weight of the world is bringing me down, I go out onto the range and loose arrows at some targets. Follow the professors or leaders youre excited to study under on LinkedIn. Take 5 minutes to fill out our surveyitll help us better meet your needs and help those who are struggling. Dont feel obligated to express happiness if you dont feel it, but wish them the best instead. This is because these people can see our blind spots and offer us perspectives we might not have otherwise considered. (grief, languish or sadness), Am I missing the objects, connections, or people that I lost? What company benefits are most important to you? Almost every quality of great leaders can be overdone and its polar opposite can be needed on occasion (except for integrity). Your success means they don't have any excuses for their failures. And I suspect Im not the only one who has it (and wants to change it). The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of the Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time. So seeing other people make it, even if theyre your friends, feels like a slight kick to the gut that intensifies depending on how down you are. Feel Happy About My Friend's Success Smile, give that person a hug or a handshake, and tell them that youre happy for them through gritted teeth. After following his make or break list, the man was able to become a millionaire within three years. For instance, you may find that you feel jealous of your friends opportunity to learn new things, maybe more than the fact that they got into a top school. Maybe some friends who arent competitive or driven will also be supportive. Or if their happiness reminds you of your own grief? How to Handle an Unsupportive Friend - LiveAbout (more). Imagine a life where every small victory is cherished, every milestone celebrated, and each setback serves as a catalyst for growth. If you do the work of processing your emotions, it will help you understand that your friends success is not correlated to your setbacks. Be the first to know what's trending, straight from Elite Daily, Where Was Sofia Richie's Wedding? You worked so hard for it, and you deserve it! Before Lindsey told me her trick, I was probably 75% happy for other people and 25% jealous. His company, Groupe Weyi, works with villagers in Central Africa to create lasting change through fair trade of resources. It can be hard to cheer for someone else going after their goals when your own goals feel unclear. See more from Ascend here. Remember their struggles and how much difficulty theyve had up until now. Which brings me to this weeks question, which is also all about friendships, and how to navigate one of the more awkward parts of it. What can I do to show my support for this other person? Naming the emotion itself can help defuse itit allows you to decide how you want to respond to your emotions. feel like your colleagues successes come at the expense of your own. Just because you didnt get what you wanted in the form of this school or those internships, doesnt mean you cant get your needs met in other creative ways! This cup of coffee Im drinking is absolutely perfect, but it will be finished in a few minutes, and Ill never have one exactly like it again. Its a temporary roadblock and you can strategize new ways of moving past your situation. If you have, then youve likely ended up looking like Chrissy Teigen at the Golden Globes: But there are things you can do to both express positive sentiments for them in a believable way and even to feel happy about what they have done or experienced or received. There have been people Ive more or less removed from my life because they were truly not happy for me/didnt have my best interests at heart, but they were also not super-close to begin with. After he had completely replaced the people in his network, he decided to make a list. Once you acknowledge, label, and validate your emotions, let them guide you to explore the motivations and fears driving them. While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. Some hurts take longer to heal than others and can still cause twinges when poked at. Maybe you got into a great college that your parents refused to pay for, so you ended up having to work instead. As my consistency and accuracy improve with practice over time, so does my mood. Sadly, pursuing your dreams involves a lot of downs before ups. I dont keep such company, but undoubtedly some of you do. As long as you are being respectful and kind to this friend, you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about your new position in the professional world. What people, thoughts, and things are holding you back? While it may be tempting to say all of the above, the truth is that the more you can clarify what this loss represents to you, the more youll know what matters most to you moving forward. It is very hard to digest at first that many friendships in and outside of work sour because of success. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I need to be very still and focused on my target, while also ensuring that Im aiming well and drawing hard enough to hit it. Sweeping unkind behavior under the rug only hurts both of you, and cheapens the friendship. Then excuse yourself as quickly as possible and go take some much-needed time to yourself. If youre not happy for someone because you feel a wave of concern or worry for them, check in with yourself to see if thats a valid response, or if its jealousy. But how can you be happy for others when your own life is swirling down the drain? When and if youve been getting messages that you have to be happy for someone else, take a look around and determine where this demand is coming from. Part of growing up, though, is deciding how you deserve to be treated and doing the work required to be treated that way, even if it means having a mature-yet-frank conversation. Below are some of the reasons why you might not be able to feel real happiness for others at the moment. You arent forcing yourself to feel love, nor do you feel hate because you wish it was different. Feel Good When Someone Else Succeeds